every time i like a girl i convince myself she would never like me and then i don’t try and then i don’t have a girlfriend still and now i’m doing it again but it’s so true though. fuck. i mean if a girl would just reach out to me a little i would run with it.

but no that’s a lie because there are girls who reach out to me a lot and i don’t run with it because i’m really picky. so. WHY CAN’T A GIRL I LIKE JUST LIKE ME BACK. or why can’t i convince myself she would? sigh. sigh sigh sigh.

Try to imagine a life without timekeeping. You probably can’t. You know the month, the year, the day of the week. There is a clock on your wall or the dashboard of your car. You have a schedule, a calendar, a time for dinner or a movie. Yet all around you, timekeeping is ignored. Birds are not late. A dog does not check its watch. Deer do not fret over passing birthdays. Man alone measures time. Man alone chimes the hour. And, because of this, man alone suffers a paralyzing fear that no other creature endures. A fear of time running out.

…what a nice thought, originally written by Mitch Albom. I’ve been at my school for exactly 14.5 hours now. It doesn’t matter though. I will finish what I plan to finish, and then I’ll sleep.

Lately some negative things have been happening in my life. I felt at first like it was bad karma, and I tried so hard to figure out what I’d done. Today I’m in a good mood though. I’ve realized something. I’m a photographer, and in photography, the photographs, the end result, it develops from the negatives. I’ve realized that life is the same way. We develop from the negatives. I am happy. I won’t stop being happy. I won’t be brought down. We develop from the negatives. We develop from the negatives.

We develop from the negatives.

There are these two roads, right? The scenic route, and the highway. Well, I need to be on the highway eventually, but I’ve heard that the scenic route eventually meets up with it far down the road. I’m not really in a hurry, and I’ve heard about some disastrous wrecks on that highway. So I take the scenic route. Well, now it’s been miles upon miles and I’m still driving on the scenic route. The road has become so narrow that I can’t turn around, and I’m beginning to feel like this road is never going to meet the highway. I was lied to. I’ve passed other roads while driving. More at the beginning. There were fewer and fewer as I drove on. I haven’t seen one for quite a while, perhaps thirty miles. Maybe I passed the last one. I’m starting to panic. I’m running out of gas. I guess the only thing I can do is keep driving and hope.

Don’t stick around when the promise breaks, or you’ll be there when the next one’s made.

I’m so conflicted. I have things I want to say but I can’t (Wait, no. I can. I just shouldn’t. …Or maybe I should, I don’t know.) I’m happy and I’m sad at the same time. I just want a girl to hold hands with and cuddle with and watch movies with and go to the aquarium with and go camping with and breathe that lovely smell of rain hitting dry earth with (petrichor, petrichor, petrichor) and fuck like an animal.  Is that too much to ask? Yes. Yes. It is. Probably.

So I get like 200 rad visitors a month here. You know what would be awesome? If like, one tenth (or more) of you would go to my website and click the like button. [:

That would make me so happy. I might even cry.

to the seven visitors to my blog in the last five days who were using Internet Explorer… just don’t ever come back, okay? seriously.

I’m eating cereal with a ladle because all of the spoons are dirty. 

the only thing worse than majorly fucking something up
is never getting the chance to majorly fuck it up.

but alas, sometimes life doesn’t give you what you want.
it’s not because you don’t deserve it.
it’s because you deserve more. 

I don’t really know what to say.
I feel so childish admitting that I have a crush on someone.
I totally do though. 

I’m really happy right now, but I’m also really sad.
I mean, so many good things are happening in my life,
but just knowing that there’s no way I can be with this girl just eats away at me.

It overshadows everything.

Oh well. I smell good. I’m young.